South Passage

Set a course for marriage, engage!

2009-09-21T10:38:00.001-07:00

I am not going to lie, I have delved into the marriage idea myself with two girls. For all intensive purposes, I have been engaged. I am not in a relationship right now, why do you ask? You know what its like when you are young and in a relationship with an attractive girl or boy, although by now we're women and men. You think the world is your oyster and nothing can go wrong. Sometime soon the reality will set in that its just not going to work out.

I recently found out that another friend from high school, tenth I believe along this list, has become engaged. The people in my class year are no more than twenty or twenty-one. Some of these people are already married, or have children. None of them have anywhere near a good paying job and most are barely getting by. How are we still affording to do this? Weddings cost money, money that we don't have. Children cost money, money that parents are not willing to help with these days. Most of them have monetal problems of their own that they have to focus on.

I am not disrespecting these people. I just want to say, slow down. Just slow down, we're so early in life. Why are we so eager to start families and get tied down? Marriage is not only an emotional bond. You're legally attaching your name to someone who may have debt, debt that if you willingly sign your name to you may be getting into problems you won't be able to contend with.

Its your choice, I'm just saying my piece. I've grown past the point of only seeing whats in front of you and not the big picture. Be careful. Make sure you're going into this with sensability and guidance.

Never the less, I wish you well friend, and all my other friends that are getting married, have gotten maried and are having children, I wish them all well.

Nothing Says 'Sell Sell Sell' Like A Celebrity Death

2009-06-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

I am going to begin by saying that this is in no way related to Michael Jackson's performances, or my feelings about his media image (though it will be touched on, i want to say that i believe many of the allegations against him were an absurd and offensive means to getting money by parents who thought they could exploit a misunderstood man). I also want to say that I respect and admire all the work that he has done over the years. Dangerous (1991) is one of the first CD's I ever owned. I was three and I specifically asked for that CD after seeing a video on whichever channel was shilling out videos back then. He will be deeply missed by many many fans as we have already seen by the following.

Media Attention

Although another also very famous celebrity died hours before Michael, he has certainly been the one to recieve the resolute and fixed media eye in the past day. Likely because of the media attention he has garnered over the past two decades has put him into a most unwanted spotlight. I was born two years before most of these allegations came to light and have been following it in the news whenever it would pop up again (See: 2004).

As long as we respect the wished of his family, I do not see this getting out of hand. Although I expect there will be graverobbers afoot. So laser-trap his grave with claymores Jackson family, that'll teach those fortune seeking rat bastards that the King of Pop is one corpse you don't want to fuck with.

Album Sales

Go and check out the iTunes top albums. I'll wait... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. Six! Six of his albums are on the best seller chart right now. As it says in my screen name, nothing says 'Sell sell sell' like a celebrity death. Ironically this is not the first time I have seen this. When blind guitar legend Jeff Healey died last year I had this one woman come into my store and said she wanted to buy out all the albums that we had of him and sell them so she could stop profiteers. Lady, look up the definition of profiteer. She was an ugly greasy haired fat hobgoblin of a woman and I knew she was lying through her ugly teeth. So I told her we didn't have any. We had plenty. Anyways, its the perfect time to get a Michael Jackson album, especially off the torrents. 2200 seeds. Thats insane. Well the new Star Trek had ten times that, but still thats pretty good.

I'm done now. I'm gonna listen to some Michael Jackson. I think my Dangerous album is still in the basement somewhere.

Rest peacefully King of Pop.

Calamity Wayne: An Anime North Story

2009-05-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

Well, for the forth year in a row I am posting on this blog* about Anime North. What can I say again but that I had an excellent time, spent a lot of money, saw a lot of neat cosplays.

Friday night mostly consisted of the beginning of the awesome. We left the hotel around 4:45 to get to the opening of the dealer room. Curtis, Chris and I went to get some grub before heading there, it was pretty good. All through the weekend there was not nearly as many people that were in the restaurants that I thought that would be. After flying around the dealer room for a while we met up with Steve and hung out with him for a bit. Christine and Sam popped in later while Curtis and I were sitting around playing the ol Fallout 3. Met a new friend at the Karaoke on Friday night, spent most of it listening to her comparative analysis of Pokemon, and since I like Pokemon, it was interesting to have such an informed perspective. Anyways, after that I pretty much hit the sack around three AM.

Saturday was pretty darn sweet. Anyway, I made a couple trips to the dealer room and prepped for the Soul Calibur IV Tournament** that Rob, Chris and I had signed up for. Suffice to say I got booted the first round by Chris, who just Cervante'd it up. He did a good job and got into fourth place. I wandered back to the hotel and got my DS to hang out at the Pokeparty. Booooring, but funny at the end a little, they showed some pokemon episodes with drug, booze and sex trade references that couldn't be beaten. Also I went to see the 404's an Anime Comedy Troupe that visits the conventions through the year spreading their amusing rhetoric around. I must admit that I enjoyed this very much as I was still very very intoxicated. However, by the end I was asleep on my friend Eva's shoulder, she was asleep on the person beside her. It was kind of like dominos. Hah. I went back to the hotel room after in a severe amount of pain, heat and headache. Sleep was welcome and it came quickly.

Sunday was just the end of the day. We were the first to get our stuff down to the storage room in the hotel. Got some Timmies, walked around the dealer room for a bit. Got lunch. Spoke to Geneve a couple more times and picked up some of the really good deals of the day. That was really about it for Sunday. Its pretty much a cool down period. I had a good time none the less.

Things I picked up:
-Bioshock (PS3)
-Swat 4 (PC)
-Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force (PS2)
-The Matrix: Path of Neo (PS2)
-11 Stargate Figurines
-10 Pins (Star Trek, Stargate, Random)
-2 Backings for my Wal-Mart badge that are hilarious
-3 Blu-Ray Movies (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, My Best Friend's Girl, Body of Lies)
and so forth

Anime North was amazing. Year Five... I'm cosplaying motherfucker.

* by this blog, I mean this URL, the older posts were lost in the great South Passage collapse
** I was drunk off my ass by this time. Chris said he needed to bring on the pain to beat me, which leads me to believe I might be better at video games while drunk

Spoiler Trek (Now With 100% More Lens Flare)

2009-05-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

So two days ago I saw the new Star Trek film, see? I must admit I was shocked at how much I enjoyed the film. When I first saw the websites utter the word prequel I was scared. When I saw J.J. Abrahms (Creator of the massively shitty Lost and Cloverfield) was directing it I was petrified, but now I can't imagine the day where I sit this film on my DVD shelf (273 movies and counting!).

Here is what I liked:

This was a time travel paradox movie, which already gives me a big thumbs up. I love time travel and love alternate timelines. So this movie appealed to me already.
Secondly, I really enjoyed the acting. Chris Pine did a spectacular Kirk, and I have to cite the scene where he beats the Kobayashi Maru scenario, just non-chalantly sitting there eating an apple while the ship gets hit with torpedo after torpedo... 'Oh wait, enemy shields just disppeared? Oh well fire our torpedos. Good job everyone, pat on the back, lets eat cake.' I laughed hard. If anyone didn't know too, the part about him eating an apple while doing the scenario is a throwback to Star Trek II where in the Genesis Cave, Saavik is speaking to him about his solution to the scenario ,he's eating a apple. He doesn't like to lose... or go hungry. Also the acting of Karl Urban must be brought to the light as his performance as Leonard McCoy was really well done. The inflections did DeForrest Kelley proud. He wore the pants well.
Finally, I must admit the changes to the ship's interior were initially met with skepticism after 15 years of clean engine rooms, but they grew on me. I liked the grungy piping in main engineering, and I liked the darker corridors in the bowels of the ship's shuttlebay.
I also liked the redesign of all the ships and weapons, although the camera angles were so tight and shaky you couldn't tell if anything was effecting an enemie's ship. It was still awesome effects.

Here is what I disliked:

Holy shit. Could you put any more lens flares in each scene? I counted at least 40 or 50 in the first 15 minutes of the film alone. It was the most overuse of an effect I have ever seen.
The bad guy, Nero, was a tool. He seemed to stumble around and talk drunk for most of the film, stopping only to spew chunks of orders all over his followers unsuspecting faces. And his reasoning for his vengeance is pure bullshit. It wasn't Spock's fault the sun exploded and blew up Romulus. It was the fucking sun's fault. Why not, when thrown back in time, go to Romulus and say 'Hey guys. Sun's gonna explode in 2387. Just FYI.' Nah, its cool, I'll just put the parking break on, pop on some re-runs of I Love Lucy and wait 25 years for Spock to show up in his Toyota Jellyfish. Tool.

Well theres my two cents (not adjusted for inflation) on a ten dollar movie. Hope you enjoyed this South Passge post as much as I did writing it.

Its The End Of The World As We Know It

2009-04-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

I am not going to say that I have been right a lot. But there is one decision in my life I am going to say that I will never look back on with a shred of doubt, nor a sigh of where my money went. That decision was the one where I went to EB Games and traded in Animal Crossing for Fallout 3.

Best decision ever!

Not only did I get rid of one of the worst games for the DS in my eternal history. Seriously, what the hell are you supposed to do in that game? Nothing? Walk around and talk to the people who say the same damned thing, over and over again? Fuck and no. I want a game that draws me in and my prayers were answered. I'm even writing this during the time my PS3 is updating its system, which immediately after I am going to begin playing Fallout 3!

Fallout 3 is a first person shooter in which you are the protagonist (affectionatly named by a vagrant radio host as '101', even though the computer should be intuitive enough these days to pronounce a simple name like Bill) who wakes up one day after rushing through the first seventeen years of his life to find that his father, played by Liam 'Kick Everyone's Ass' Neeson, has left the Vault, which surprises most and just plain drives everyone else raving mad. Your best childhood friend says you should boot it out into the radioactive wasteland after his ass, which the aptly named 101 is more than happy to abblige. Security doesn't like this option, so you have to shoot your way out of the place that... is trying to save you? Anyways. You get out onto the wasteland after talking to/taunting/murdering your childhood friend's father, the leader of the Vault, and looking out onto the wasteland and seeing vast signs of nothing, you truck it off to find your father.

Since I know many who have not played the game I will not continue with the plot. I am going to begin my discussion on gameplay.

I decided to play this game on Very Easy in the beginning considering your character is thrust out of the Vault pretty much with a crappy pistol and little damage resistant clothing. The first monster I came across was a Mirelurk. BAD FUCKING IDEA. I immediately had my ass handed to me on a platter that I am sure included Mirelurk Cakes and perhaps Iguana on a Stick. However there are many things I would praise in this game.

Graphics:

Are breathtaking. Everything's grungy, dirty, dark and dank. Everything you would expect post-apocalyptia to be. The rendering of some of the monuments in D.C. are amazing. Specific nods to the Capitol Building and Lincoln Memorial which are amazing.

Gameplay:

Despite the fact that your character moves like a goddamned turtle, I admire the gameplay. It was well designed, the missions are immersive and drawn-out, and the rewards are much more creative than Oblivion. I am talking about Perks. Perks like Grim Reapers Sprint, which restore all action points if you make a kill in the V.A.T.S system... OH!

V.A.T.S

Amazing. Point and click where your opponent is going to get his share of bullets, shells, lasers, grenades, missiles and nukes. It's one of the greatest things I have seen. When you follow the bullet to its target is the best. A specific example is when using the Railway Gun and you follow a Railway Spike to the enemy, impaling it's head on the nearby wall. Astounding. Simply astounding.

Voice Acting:

Liam Neeson... Malcolm McDowell... Ron Pearlman. No questions asked.

I must now do what I thought I could never do to this game, point out its downfalls.

No Co-op:

Man oh man, could it do with one. Many different routes through the wasteland and you could meet up at the quest target. Tactical planning and good times.

No Downloadable Content:

Due to a contractual clusterfuck and Microsoft's greedy fingers being ever greedy, there is no downloadable content for the Playstation 3. Bethesda decided to make an agreement with the evil corporation to keep millions of Sony players out of the D.L.C. so I have to miss out on the level cap being raised to 30, Operation: Anchorage, The Pitt and numerous other improvements on gameplay. Fuck Microsoft.

Terrible Music:

The year is 2277. They play music from the 1940's. Apparently in this alternate universe there was no disco, rock-and-roll, country, pop, rap, punk. Just crap. Could they not have tried to license some excellent music? I have a better idea, downloadable content FOR THE PS3 ONLY, that allows you to upload MP3's to a personal radio station in the game. Who else wants to blow people apart with a rocket launcher while listening to Pantera? I know I do. Bono will second that.

That concludes my review of Fallout 3. As Yahtzee said 'you'll play until your eyes fall out... Fallout 3 that is!"

A Lesson In Douchbaggery

2009-01-28T20:05:00.000-08:00

So I was at work today and just as my till was opened to count, I recieved a phonecall from a customer. Reminding you I work at Wal-Mart. Here is how the call went. This is shortened but the message gets across, I seriously wish we recorded our calls for training purposes. Cause I would have stole the tape to put this on youtube or something.

"Hi. I bought a PSP two weeks ago and I put it in the dishwash. Can I return it?"
"No, its not covered under warranty. You put it in the dishwasher."
"But it was dirty and I had to clean it, I put my mp3 player in the wash and it works fine."
"You should have bought an LCD cleaner. You put it in the dishwasher. Its not covered because YOU put it in the dishwasher. Its not something that went wrong with the PSP."
"..but it doesn't say that its not water resistant."
"Its electonic equipment. They're two opposing elements. Electricity and water are fatal with eachother."
"Will Sony do anything to help me?"
"I would expect so, but it will cost you money, because its not covered under warranty."
"Can I return it?"
"No. What you did, you put a PSP in the dishwasher. You damaged the PSP. The PSP was not defective, its what you did to it that made it not work."
"but I had to clean it."
"Look, its not covered under warranty. You're not going to be able to return it at all. Sony probably won't help either. Okay?"
"Okay................ alright."
"Alright. Bye."

Oh fuck. I mean come on. You put it in the dishwasher. Jesus H. Christ. I actually had the CSM laughing with me cause she was down there. It was just priceless. Major priceless. I spread that like butter onto everyone and we all had a good laugh at this idiot's expense.

Pfft. Holy shit, I hope this guy comes in so I can give him a piece of my mind. I mean, seriously... seriously??! Haahah. This guy is the ultimate tool.

Star Wars Episode 3.5: The Force Unwiished

2008-10-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

I think it is time to write a review for this game. I have been putting it off for a while and it is time the game has gotten the praise it deserves.

To begin, I give this game a 10 because even if it was something along the line of pong, if it had the same compelling story as this game has, it wouldn't matter. It still does not matter. I liked this game. I thought the story was second to none and if it were made into a live-action film would be the greatest plot of Star Wars since Episode 5.5: Shadows of the Empire.

The gameplay, while in the commcerial looking like it would be the best thing ever, is a little repetative on the Wii. Even though it looks like there is an option to kill the AT-ST any way you want, unfortunately you keep crushing it no matter what way you move the remote. Considering the amount of times the on screen prompt appears in the fight (I believe somewhere close to five), no matter what direction you give, the same thing happens in each sequence. Its kind of pitiful.

However, this game still has a lot of charm, and a good bit of romance. It was much better than the sappy and poorly written dialogue between Anakin Skywalker and the Ugly Kid from Stargate.. I mean Padme... no, they're the same person.

I also enjoy the fact that you can play through the game while changing your character skin until the game makes very little sense. Walking in and seeing Shaak-Ti killing herself?! It would confuse Stephen Hawking.

This game rules.

Proximity And Chance

2008-09-18T18:35:00.000-07:00

Well I guess it would be appropriate to do an update post since I have not been on here for a while. Maybe I should change my links and such as well, some of them don't really matter anymore. I guess I shouldn't complain about Maddox not updating his website considering it was Anime North that I updated this one.

Well, lets see what I have been up to eh? Well I guess the only real news is that I am seeing someone new, and her name is Nicole. I could go into all the lovely details about my feelings for her, but I'll leave that for an entirely related post that I may or may not do. However, I do feel those feelings.

I got my G2 as well, which is good cause now I have freedom of mobility whenever I can get a car, which is almost never considering.

Well, its late and I don't want to do a long post. So long no one.

Three Days, Two Nights

2008-05-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

So... its almost Anime North time and for the sake of anything I will be doing this post from the confines of my phone.

Yes, my phone. Now you may be thinking ''Wayne, phones are so passe.. lol!!!11'' however I disagree. My phone is the epitaph of phones. It is the HTC 5800, the phone that Jesus used to fight the Nazi's in WWII would you know. You wouldn't? Well then you are an idiot. Except you Pamela and Chris, you are smart. I am talking about the other cretans.

Now there are less than three days remaining until god unleashes Anime North and I am the pumped. I just withdrew the al-ighty ollar from the bank. a great sight evsen if you are withdrawing yen.. and judging by this completely not racist remark, most of the people going have used that currency at some time or another. I've repeatedly asked for Jackson Cul to call but he does not reply. Maybe the wine is talking for him. Maybe it will for us all if Chris is still bringing his birthday gift so we can get destroyed, oh and we will get destroyed in the mind.

Well, it is the night before and here I am at the DT hotel baby. The line is long and trecherous, full of keese and octorok. I am in the belly of the beast. I like this beast. In the past half hour, judging by how many songs have passed on the ol MP3 player I may have moved one hundred feet tops. I may continue this soon. Maybe when I have moved another ten feet.

Anime North began on Friday, May 23rd, at 3:00 pm. It began like any of the other Anime North events, I wanted to go shopping so I probably did at ten or fifteen times or another. I bought a couple games, did a couple dances, bought a suspiciously fun t-shirt and had a generally good time. We played the Wii and the PS2 a hell of a lot more than we are actually supposed to. We began our the first of three Kelsey's runs and it was delicious. Westley likes twizzlers.

We later met up with Lily and then finally met up with Sandia and Tom, two people who are awesome. Very very awesome. We had a good time walking around for a while finally settling on going to see the karaoke and have them sing too. Of course we came back to the hotel after and had a good time. I walked Lily back to her hotel room and crawled into bed around four in the a.m. That ended day one.. sort of cause it was already day two.

Well, and let me say this with absolute certainty, that day two was one of the most interesting day's I have had in my life. Begin!

Around one hour after I went to bed, I woke up... it was 5:30 in the morning and the sun was rising. I maybe got a little more intermittent sleep that night, but the morning was just beginning, and at that, so was the entire day. We didn't even end up leaving the hotel until around noon, which was regretful, but necessary, we needed some sitting. I tried playing Guitar Hero III but the graphics lag on my laptop prevented it from being fun, at all, but Steve got a big laugh from it.

You know we went out for some more shopping. I got the rest of my Stargate figurines which was pretty cool. I was able to build the entire MALP... lol, I didn't even care about the figures all I wanted was that cross between a tank and Rob the Nintendo accessory. I was able to find some awesome pins, SG-1, SGC and Earth symbols and I love them very very much and I got this awesome keychain shaped like a Stargate. I also got the embroidering patches of SG-1 and the Earth symbol, and O'Neill's patch for his uniform. Halloween here I come.

We did another Kelsey's run mid day, with a few more people and it was pretty good. I think all three times I had the same dish. Mmmm. It was delicious.

Chris and I wondered down to the J-pop dance later that night, and met up with great people. The first was Brandi, a very welcoming to new people person, who was a delight to talk to. Second was Christine. Teh dance was fun.

Ted made off with Lily like some kind of Jedi Woman Getting Mechabot. Chris and I returned to the hotel with Westley and Steve and ordered Pizza at 2:30 and crashed after watching a half hour of Robot Chicken.

We woke up again, this time around nine and left the room at eleven. Checked out stuff in and we set off. I went for a major spending spree, I picked up another Stargate figure, a SGC hockey jersey which is so awesome, some more ST:CCG cards, and some manga! Hooray I actually have more than one series of Manga now.

An Overview

I had an enjoyable time, much more than last year, and a bit more than the year before. The year before was good cause we had a huge group, now theres been no much drama that people don't like people and its not good, but good in its own way cause the friends we made this year have to be the greatest people.

Song lyrics come to mind.

"You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave." - Hotel California, The Eagles

Anyone want to see the full Anime North version I have written of Hotel California
http://animenorthweb.blogspot.com/2008/05/hotel-animefornia.html

Until next year.

Beijing-a-ding-ding

2008-04-08T19:46:00.000-07:00

Well its Olympic season again, and what is Olympic season without the synonymous protests? Nothing, thats what I tell you. I have been entertained by this so far, people, they put out the torch. THE FUCKING OLYMPIC TORCH. Thats like asking Zeus to put down his lightning bolts, or telling Michael Jackson to not touch his crotch. It is not possible.

What I just had a good larf about was that the protests are because China has been an occupational hazard (pardon the pun) for the better part of half a century. In fact, that also includes more of another century. Whats funnier is, its the Olympics. Guess who presided over the first Olympics. If you guessed murderous war criminal and professional Jazz Tap artist Adolf Hitler, you couldn't be more wrong. Hitler was never a professional Jazz Tap artist. He preferred to line dance.. on a pile of shreded human rights article.. while making love to Eva Braun.. who was a man. What I am trying to get at is, if you really are worried about human rights and the rights of these Tibetans, you should sell the Olympics and all subsequent royalties and stuff to the Jewish faith. I happen to have Moses on speed dial. He owed me a few favors after that whole forgetting to give me the adress of the death camps so the Wayne Empire could go in and eliminate the Nazi's debocle. Biggest fireworks show in history... and it never happened. Oh and who complained when the Olympics were held in the United States, although my ally, they are a bloddthirsty one at that and are singlehandedly responsible for every major war between 1776 and the present day. I love those guys. But no, no no no, not a single innocent tear shed for the native americans... cept for Chief Teary Eyes, who is seen in every major hollywood production sheding a tear at something.

By the way folks, for those who didn't know, the next Summer Olympics will be held in the Wayne Empire, I expect the following countries to protest:

Space Rome

They really hate me.

In short. If you think Hu "the fuck do those protesters think they are" Jintao is going to relent just because you're ruining a tradition created by the root of all evil? You may be correct. Tune in for more news on WNN on "Got'em by the Balls" with Chris Nagy. Winner of the 2008 Peabody award for best fictional news program from a fictional country in a fictional universe. Thats how good it is.

Goodnight everybody.

This little piggy went Wii, Wii, Wii, all the way home!

2007-12-11T16:21:00.000-08:00

Hahahaha, aaaaaaaaaaah hahahahahaha, roflmmfaolcigawaydty. Pffttt... pft... hah.. pft... wooooo. Oh I am sorry I had to get that out. For those who are wondering it means roll on floor laughing my mother fucking ass off laughing cause I got a Wii and you didn't this year.

Well what did you expect ladies? Did you expect they would be like a million Excaliburs and only those who really needed them would be able to get them by pulling them off the shelves? Man are you damn wrong. Nintendo forecasted the inability to find the Wii in November and December and me being me I know we had no shortage of them during the full year... but wait! You're stupid! You don't understand a little something I believe it was in the Wayne Empire copy of the bible and it went something like this. Waynicus 10:10: "And god came down from the U.S.S. Wayne and bestowed upon the consumers, the clarity of supply and demand." and later from the New Testiclemint Bonoclius 190:1010(1) "And god saw what the people did, they ignored his decree, so Mighty God said 'There will be no more Wii'". So you see, the Wii being impossible to find is because it is an act of God.

Speaking of which, why do so many people want this game? The top five reasons are

1. This system does not need a crane to be moved.

Compared to the size of the XBox 360 and the PS3, the Wii is the size of a tick and is the only system that has not caused a back related injury to pick up. It is less than 30 cm tall and is arguably two inches thick. No one believes my analogies when talking about comparable size? Behold:

Microsoft and Sony are overcompensating

2. Its the only system thats good for kids.

I'm so right too. The last ten XBox 360 games released were rated M and since the PS3 is pretty much the same system it goes double for it. The Wii is a family system with less than ten percent of the games rated M. In fact, I've seen two, both being Resident Evil games and both not being that bad.

3. Its actually a good work out.

I remember the first time I played the Wii, it was a day after Bono got one (THANKS TO MII) and I was playing it with the Bonochromatic and I was actually hurting for the next two days due to the intense physical work out that was given to me when playing. Seriously, I cannot wait for Wii Fitness to be released. I will be toned, ripped, sync'd and transfered...into what I can only assume is a X-Men type mutant.

4. They're bringing back games that are similar to duck hunt.

Who doesn't love that game that they call duck hunt? I mean you're shooting ducks. Holy ball! Two balls in fact. I mean Links Crossbow Training is the shit, uber shit even. I cannot get enough of that game even though every time I play it I pretty much get my ass kicked by Bonopololy. Damn me not being good at things. That is not the only game that is coming out for this. I mean they have several games like Carnival Game and Wii Play that have shooting galleries. Yes yes, you can also shoot ducks. I love those games. Guns are fun. Speaking of guns you must have seen the Wii Zapper. I have one. It is so awesome.

5. Star Trek Conquest

Reason enough.

I rest my case.

Screen Writers Guilt

2007-11-08T08:54:00.000-08:00

I am pissed. You may be asking "But Wayne, you're always pissed!!!!$%^&NipplePinchy!" Well you may be right, but now I am pissed because they have taken away the only T.V. I watch anymore. Thats right, Hitler and the Writers Guild of America are at it again, and why not throw Sadaam and Bin Laden in there too. Yep, their fault.

Now these pussies are depriving the good people of the Empire of their two favourite shows, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report (pronounced Colbair Re-pour to heroes and Coal-bert Re-port to traitors). Just because they reached an 'impasse' in their negotiations. Real heroes like Captain Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A. America, Bono and I would create some kind of patriot beam and effectively return the WGA or N.A.M.B.L.A. members to the negotiation table.

What pisses me off even more royally than a writers strike... is the actors promoting it. Once Jedi-like members of society such as Jay Leno, the ever ugly Sally Field, Alec Balding-win and former non-traitor and correspondant for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Steve Carrell are supporting the picketers and Jay Leno gave them donuts. When was the last time Leno showed up on my front porch and gave me a delicious confection? It was my inauguration day, but thats not important now. Traitors all!

Get back to work you lazy assholes. Lousy communists.

Go To Heaven? Get A Halo. Stay On Earth? Get A Defective Game.

2007-09-26T20:17:00.000-07:00

Yes thats right folks! All across North America people are shitting their pants, splitting heads open with axes and yes even lobbing grenades into local electronics stores all because Halo 3: Limited Edition has a big fat defect. In fact, I've been told that this is not a random occurance sand it is most likely that each store will have at least a percentage of their stock ruined because they couldn't even get their most anticipated launch right. I mean people were not shitting because they were afraid they would miss the release. Overnight at EB Games people were sleeping out. Well I seriously hope you enjoyed one of the hottest nights of the year for your scratched disks folks. I really do. Hope you played yoru PSP all night long, went to work exhausted just to go online and be like "WHAT THE @#$%!"

Millions are dead, because their Halo games didn't work.

Note x2: This is a blog, agree or stfu. Also, Microsoft has already sent out an official remedy.

Contenders

2007-07-18T22:16:00.000-07:00

Well at more than half way through the year I thought I would put up contenders for the Christmas Wayney Awards. Current nominations are:

Best Movie of 2007:
Transformers
Live Free or Die Hard
Spiderman III

Worst Movie of 2007
None so far

Best CD of 2007
Nathan - Key Principles
Brad Paisley 5th Gear

Best Song of 2007
Terrible Way To See Omaha - Nathan
John Paul's Deliveries - Nathan
Ticks - Brad Paisley
Lost - Faith Hill
Because of You - Reba McEntire ft. Kelly Clarkson

Worst Song of 2007
Umbrella - Re-hanna ft. J-Zee (I know how to spell their names, I just have a seething and unrelenting burning hatred for the crappiness of this song. "Eh eh eh eh eh eh" I mean yes we get its an umbrella eh. We may be Canadian but you don't have to mock us bitch.)
Kicking Stones - Johnny Reid (Song sounds like the guy's passing stones rather than kicking them. I fell over laughing so if there are any typo's its my own fault.)

Worst CD of 2007
Reggae Gold - Various Artists (the cover was enough to just say I am going to assume this CD degrades women so it automatically garners a nomination.)
Kicking Stones - Johnny Reid

Best New Friend of 2007
Josh Faulhaufer
Anthony Guidotti
Natalia Lecki
Arielle Somberg (the first non-canadian nominee)
Jacqueline Claire

My girlfriend Joanne automatically wins an honorary award in that category.

Best Old Friend of 2007
Chris Nagy
Jaci Prevost
Angie Davis
Natalie Wallace

I may add more to this later on in the month.

Spoilers Begin Here

2007-05-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

If you have any intention of going to see Spider-Man 3 in the near or later future. Do not read my post.

SPIDERMAN 3 FUCKING ROCKED.

No matter what any critic, pundit, antagonist or Hitler-look-alike say this, movie pwned the previous two and to quote Bono McNagy "Spiderman 3 rocked the balls and asses of everyone in the theatre." I can start by agreeing with this statement and then adding that not only were balls and asses rocked, but that this movie produced its own kind of radiation that grew the balls of anyone who saw it and yes I am including women.

I am also not afraid to say that after the sexy dance sequence that Tobey McGuire I felt like having a cigarette, but I didn't cause smoking is wrong (See Previous Post). I am more than certain that everyone else who saw that movie had dreams about sleeping with Peter Parker, except me. I don't have homo-erotic dreams thanks to anti-bodies that prevent that.

The fight scenes are indescribable. Black Spiderman owns people. Topher Grace is awesome...r. Oh, not to mention there are, count'em, three villains in this film. The Goblin, Sandman and Venom... makes for one fucking train wreck of a time. Buildings falling over, people getting killed. I loved this film and so will you.

It will be released on DVD sometime. Until then may your balls be rocked by this film.

I Could Do Without The Cancer Thanks. Deuce.

2007-03-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

Well... its been a long time since I have posted anything worth while to read. So I have decided that the post shall be the hopefully long-awaited I Could Do Without The Cancer Thanks... PART II.

Many of the people who read this blog know my views on smoking are harsh. It ruins your body, the scenery and the atmosphere of which your sweet Emperor lives off of.

Since I wrote the lost first part of this blog I started attending Sheridan College in Brampton, Ontario. It disgusts me to see how many people smoke there. I remember one day I was looking at some booth by some environmentalist lady and then twice during the subsequent hours of the day I saw her flick away a cigarette to add to the at least 10,000 cigarette butts I see daily on the school grounds. I'm not sure about my eyesight, but I guess I didn't see this sign.

Oh well. I guess environmentalists can't be aware 24/7, I mean if you lose judgment about destroying your inside, whats a little ruining the Earth on the side?

Now I know I have friends who smoke. As much as I love them I can't understand why some of them have to have three cigarettes between class. I mean come on.. I know they are addictive and everything, but do I have to pull out the chart of Emperor Wayne's Recipe for Death Sticks? 10 out of 10 Teen Smoker's can't tell they're FAKE!

Thats another thing that I am ballsing about. The children. Oh someone please think of the children. Help protect my kids from the dangers of smoking and promiscuous sex or whatever. Parents these days are not doing enough to keep their kids from smoking. I mean I know you cannot be around your kids twenty-four seven, but seriously folks. Heres some of Emperor Wayne's sound advice:

Sit down with your kids at an early age, because thats where the lure of smoking is getting them these days. Its not high school anymore folks, its elementary school and middle school. I went to middle school 7 years ago. I can name a handful of the people there who I actually knew smoked. Now a lot of the people I know smoke who I used to go to school with. I'm not proud of them even if they started at a later age. I'm not proud that any of my friends who smoke, do so. I tell them the following:

"Do you know the dangers of smoking?"

"Yeah, but thats all hype."

Wrong.

I submit that the dangers of smoking have been proven ten fold, and especially in recent years. For example, did you know that cigarettes contain Polonium 210? No? Remember that Russian Spy who got poisoned? It was suspected that Polonium was used in his assassination (until it was found another radioactive isotope was responsible 'sic'), but none the less what happened to him is whats happening to you on the inside of your body. I'm not talking about small dosages of radiation from just Polonium either. I'm talking about rads upon rads of it. Seriously folks... think about it.

I think my case is rested, but its a cold case. Who knows when I will pick it up again.

No! No! Bees! Yes!

2007-03-20T05:24:00.000-07:00

Since the day that it was announced I have been eagerly anticipating this day. This is the day we celebrate Stephen Colbert and all his accomplishments. I know I may not be in Oshawa for the festivities today, but I am there in spirit.

Stephen Colbert is by far one of the most awesome T.V. show hosts out there. Not only is he handsome, but he is absolutely hilarious when he's on. His character, also named Stephen Colbert, is so very full of himself. I guess you could say that this day is more for the Stephen character than the Stephen man.

However,

STEPHEN COLBERT RULES.

So it doesn't matter.

I Am Serious. Withdrawal Is Rampant.

2007-03-06T12:36:00.000-08:00

Anime North... Coming Soon to a T.C.C. near... Toronto.

I Am..

2007-02-25T22:04:00.000-08:00

glad The Departed won Best Picture.
disappointed Forrest Whittaker won Best Actor. .Should've been Will Smith
glad Helen Mirren won Best Actress.
glad Eddie Murphy didn't win for Dreamgirls. What a stupid premise for a movie
disappointed that Jennifer Hudson won for Dreamgirls. Who the hell is she anyway? Did they pick her up off the street? Should've gone to Abigail Breslin for Little Miss Sunshine.
glad Martin Scorsese was still alive to win an Oscar for The Departed.
glad Little Miss Sunshine won for Best Writing.
disappointed that The Illusionist didn't win for Best Achievement in Cinematography
glad Dreamgirls didn't win Best Song cause god knows it was nominated three times in the category and got beaten out by my favourite gay activist next to k.d. lang. Thank you Melissa Etheridge.
disappointed Dreamgirls won Best Achievement in sound. I thought I should have won for my excellent work booing the movie.
glad Pirates of the Carribean 2 won Best Visual Effects because it deserved it.
very glad An Inconvenient Truth won Best Documentary because Al Gore deserved it. However I am disappointed that Shut Up and Sing wasn't even nominated because the Dixie Chicks deserved the award too.
glad Dreamgirls didn't win any more awards cause everything about it sucked monkey nuts.

I am awesome too.

Hey Hey LBJ, How Many Valentines You Get Today?

2007-02-14T00:37:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't noticed its the time of the year everyone likes to get fat off of chocolate. Right now my computer is getting fat off of files and I am just plan fat already so we don't need to delve. This is Valentines Day, the one day where you can be blatently happy or blatently miserable. This year, being alone, I have chosen blatently miserable. Here are my current Valentines day plans:

Block everyone on MSN who will tell me about their valentines
Block their emails and if they have more than one I'll block them all
If they get around it I can just delete the email
Eat everything in sight
Listen to the following songs
-I Don't Wanna Be The One - Patricia Conroy
-When - Patricia Conroy
-Love Is The Only Soldier - Jann Arden
-What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts
-What I'd Miss - Lisa Brokop
-Try Me Again Around Midnight - Lisa Brokop
-Ain't Enough Roses - Lisa Brokop
-I Know A Heartache When I See One - Jo Dee Messina
-I'm Alright - Jo Dee Messina
-Bring On The Rain - Jo Dee Messina
Watch the following movies
-Love Actually
-The Notebook
-What Women Want
-Alex & Emma
-Serendipity (if I can get a copy by tomorrow)
Hurt peoples feelings
Blow up the moon
Blow up the sun
Blow up a baloon
Run because I hate baloons
Pop baloon
Wish upon a star
Blow up that star
Kill Cupid

I do hate Valentines day. I hate it when I have someone because its another flashy love day to remember. Like an anniversary. What fuck mook came up with that? Lousy Amish. Or maybe it was the PTA... so they would have something to complain about when their kids were coming home with hickies. I submit that it was them.

If you like Valentines, you like communism.. and Stephen Colbert doesn't like communism.

Go To Bhed

2007-02-08T09:33:00.000-08:00

E ryja taletat du tu drec ahdena bucd eh Ym Prat. E ryja ryt y bnaddo nuikr faag vumgc. Ed cdyndat uvv fedr yccekhsahdc tia uh ajanotyo yht ec kuehk du aht zicd dra cysa fyo. E ryja ryt du fung yht uh dra faagaht E fyc myda vun dfu uv so crevdc yht E seccat yhudran. Edc mega bubusihtu, E ys kaddehk nicdo.

Dra pek gelgan:

Uh y kuut huda vun drec faag:

Dusudduf hekrd E ys kuehk du namyq yvdan paehk eh luind ymm tyo muhk. Frema uh so fyo rusa E ys kuehk du cdub eh yd dra um F-Y uv M*Synd yht belg ib dra vehym Vehym Vyhdyco dryd ec du pa namaycat vun ryhtramt. E femm ymcu pa ceddehk yd rusa kuehk drnuikr SUJEAC!!! PALYICA E FEMM RYJA VNAA DESAC! Un... un.. Drec ec dra zuouic myteac yht fyohdamsah. E syo lymm so buccepma kenmvneaht yht ycg ran uid vun tehhan. Oac vumgc, E tet cis ib dra luinyka du ycg y kenm uid yht cra cyet oac. Dryhg oui. Ran hysa ec Jejeahha. Cra mega dra Lumpand Nabund. Cu oui ghuf fa'na reddehk ed uvv.

Upzaldejac Bahtehk:
Tnejanc Melahca
Cissan Bmylasahd Yd Myf Vens

kuut tyo.

I Couldn't Wait

2007-01-29T08:42:00.000-08:00

I got the prototype back so this looks much much better

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEST FRIEND GUY!

2007-01-26T00:01:00.000-08:00

Hey there Mr. Bono
Happy Fucking Birthday
Turn off that awesome Colbert cause heres some birthday wishes
In case you haven't noticed you turn twenty today
So get off your heathen 20 ass and fucking celebrate!

Happy birthday to my best friend in the world, Chris Bono Almighty Nagy. As you may know he is heir to the throne. So if I die, this becomes his domain. Wayne Empire magazine is his. That is my gift to him... plus what I am actually getting him for his birthday. Glad to be your friend pal.

Chris, you're the man. For all you do, this posts' for you.

Sincerely!

EMPEROR WAYNE

Eight simple words on dating my teenaged laptop

2007-01-24T20:38:00.000-08:00

Enough said.

5 Shitty Games Everyone Loves

2007-01-19T05:47:00.000-08:00

I know Chris just did this, but I wanted a stab at 1-5 in Advance:

Final Fantasy I

My eyes doth been raped when I looked upon this game. Not only does this game still look like the charcters were draw with MS Paint, but there is no less than 10 minutes of gameplay. I have never played a game that I can sit down on the toilet and be done by the time I get up. Unlike many of the other games, in number one you cannot switch your jobs, so you have to choose very carefully. There are no less than 1000 random battles in the first 20 seconds of the game.. and they are all goblins that look like hunched over retards with butterknives. The final boss in this game takes 5 turns to beat at level 20. He's an overgrown dragon, who of course used to be a man (i mean every boss is never human when you kill him). I give props to the creator for making the shittiest game imaginable.

Final Fantasy II

Aside from every character looking like they were draw with a Adobe Reader, this game brings new meaning to the words constipated gameplay. This game features the only keyword system I have ever seen. If you don't get a specific keyword from a person before you stop talking to them you must do the following. Turn off your system, turn it back on, press a on new game and get your ass back to where you were. No other Final Fantasy game had this feature because of its sheer annoyance and people cross-eyed from restarting their game too many times. Your allies in this game are an electic group of dumbasses consisting of a sissy girl, a bumbling idiot, a middle eastern spear thrower, a fat man, a butch lesbian pirate, the side switching evil brother and a badass dragoon. This game also introduces one of many of the Cid clones. Cid appears in pretty much every FF game but number one. He's either fat or an awesome knight with a bithcing sword. Most of the time he's fat. I have been told by several people that I am the boss in this game, which is very frightening because now its my destiny to be slaughtered repeatedly by pixels controlled by the Japanese. The first main enemy you will defeat is Curtis and of course there are your peons of bad controlled by the Emperor's evilness... I just had a seizure.

Final Fantasy III

This remake was made for the DS, so I will not complain about graphics. These characters look like they were created by Maddox so you know they look awesome. There are several problems with this game that make me wretch. Every battle should give you 10000 gil, and 10000 experience points or else its going to take forever and a day to level up. Every chest in the game should contain Phoenix Downs, because god forbid you could by them at the item shop. There are only two healing fountains in the game and there is always some stupid catch that your airship has either it gets destroyed, only can land in water then oh shit! cannonball to the hull!, fastest airship only can land underwater where it becomes slow as fuck, but the last has an inn, item weapon shield and magic shop, a fat chocobo and a moogle on board so whats the downside. Its as large as my ego and as slow as a turtle. So far each boss has had no where near 30000 hit points which make for seriously easy battles and I know about hard ones. I've had games that I quit playing because of the difficulty. Have you ever brought yourself to say "fuck this!" and throw down a controller never to pick it up again? Me too.

Final Fantasy IV

Here's a twist, not only does this game feature cut-scenes that could be described only as insanely long and boring. Blah blah blah, I'm a Dark Knight! HOLY SHIT! I'm being betrayed. Well I guess the only thing to do is go on a pointless journey with a bunch of weirdos to defeat the easiest boss in the world, Golbez. I swear behind every boss in these games is some 10 year old escaped mental patient. Like the first and second game this features the stationary job system. Your main character switches from sweet ass Dark Knight to sissy pants Paladin in the first hour of the game. Like FF2 this game features a bunch of retarded characters who die, come back, die again, appear as ghosts and just won't stop bugging you for the entire fucking game. Theres your main character who turns good, a little girl with the power to summon drooling monsters that do dick for damage, Kain the dragoon who betrays you and rejoins your party to do what again? betray you and I am very sure he betrays you a third and final time before you stomp ass on him... anywho, there is Palom and Porom the retarded magic twins who look like they would be begging to stop and pee at a rest stop throughout the game, Rosa the white magic chick who cannot avoid being captured no more than four times in the game because after the first two or three you think she'd wise up. Women. Cid the fat man returns as a hammer wielding geriatric who calls you a whipersnapper and waves his cane at you. Tellah, who is another geriatric and a asshole tonic straight up, joins you. Oh oh I cannot forget the most worthless character ever. The Bard, Edward. I swear I have never ever wanted to kill a video game character this much. Instead of fighting with his allies, after being hit once he retreats off screen pretty much not to return. His attack power and defence make me vomit and his lines are "boo hoo, i lost my sweetheart cause i'm too much of a ponse to fight. boo hoo". There is also Edge the ninja who joneses over the summoner even though them doing it would definatly be stautory rape x3. Hes 26.. shes 7. Then there is Yang Won Li Ching Chau Chang Chong Chan. I'm not joking that is his last name and I am not a racist, I just didn't like this character very much. This guy eats rocks and beats Michael Jackson with his hands behind his back. Finally I saved the least for last. FuSoYa... his mother was dyslexic so his name is spelt with three capitals. The boss in this game is the Space Pope. No questions asked. I need a drink.

Final Fantasy V

This game makes me wonder why it looks exactly like the last one. Not only are the villains very similar they choose the most blatently loserish name for the main enemy. ExDeath... whoa thats creative. Problem is this guy wasn't death before... whatever the hell he is now. Anywho this game contains several references to sex and I wish I was joking. This game has the hardest boss ever, Omega followed immediately by the second hardest boss ever Shinryu. They have combined health of several million at least and can kill your party by breathing. The final boss ExDeath and NeoExdeath make easy work of your party if you're anywhere below level 70. What could be worse than a hard boss? Nobody dies!! Shit!

Disclaimer: I love each and every game that I just listen just like Bono does. These games have filled the past two years with expert strategy and I never thought I could like the FF series. These games fucking rocked!

www.fox.com/screwtheoc.html

2007-01-13T18:54:00.000-08:00

Ah,

I am so happy there is a topic I can right about. I know I made a typo. It means both that I am writing about it and that I am right about it. Just so there is no confusion.

I hate the O.C. with a burning passion a good case of herpes could easily match. Oh my god, crime loving poor boy makes good when rich uncle douchebag takes him under his wing. Boo frickedy hoo. He off and on starts boffing a girl (whats commitment.. duh??) who ends up dying because she's played by a complete ditz. To borrow a phrase coined by my right hand man. I know these people are alive, but they look they they were drawn with MSPaint.

In my opinion. Four seasons was a big waste of air time that could have been spend making remedy for the disgraceful last episode of Enterprise.

My royal proclamation: "This show shalt not be picked upeth for another season"

January 8th: A History

2007-01-08T17:23:00.000-08:00

871 - Battle of Ashdown - Danish Army Defeated by Some Douche
1297 - Monaco gains its independance (later loses it when Wayne Empire arrives in 2005)
1790 - George Washington delievers first State of the Union address in New York City
1815 - Battle of New Orleans
1867 - African American men given right to vote in Washington D.C.
1877 - Crazy Horse fights final battle with United States Calvary
1935 - Elvis Prestley is born
1942 - Stephen Hawking is born
1959 - Fidel Castro completes his conquest of Cuba
1962 - Leonardo DaVinci's Mona Lisa displayed for first time in United States
1967 - Michelle Forbes is born
1973 - Watergate Scandal revealed
1982 - Dow Jones Industrial reaches highest close ever at $2,002.25
2002 - American philanthropist Dave Thomas passes away
2004 - RMS Queen Mary II is christened as largest passenger ship by Queen Elisabeth II
2006 - Earthquake felt in Mediterranean Sea
2007 - Dave gets a girlfriend, Wayne Empire Rejoices!!!

The Bitch Is Back!

2007-01-08T15:49:00.000-08:00

Vive la resistance!

2006 In Wayneview

2007-01-01T10:22:00.000-08:00

Holy typso that was another year gone by? Man I think I slept through March, June, July, September and October. I only remember the good times! Well lets see what we have in the old treasure trove cove of the vertiable fountain of informational databases of Wayne.

My first favourite memory is......!

ANIME FUCKING NORTH!

Oh you know I couldn't leave this out. What an awesome time. I submit there has been no better time in my life. It all started one hot (incredibly hot) summer day. May 26th, 2006 was the date. The name? Anime North '06.

Now I have had some good times. R.A.F. was awesome, but this! this surpassed it. Did anyone see how many righteous looking women were there? I mean whoa! Bam! Slam krackaplow! There haven't been this many boobs in one room at once. I swear. Not anywhere.

Ahem.

Now that I have control of myself I will replay how the fun went. The first night was by far the most typso. Chris and I got to the hotel a little after six o'clock and waited for his friend from Why-hurt-en. When we got to the hotel we set up in our room. We hooked the cube up to the T.V. somehow. I don't think we played yet. Anyways I didn't know what I was to expect when I got there. I expected big shit. I didn't expect a mega-dump of games, games, costumes, women and food. So I was wrong. It wasn't big, it was massive. Sue me. That night while I walked around and shopped I got the privilege of hanging out with Natalie, Angie, Krista and others. Whilst there I gazed upon probably, no definatly, the prettiest girl there, Pamela Stroud. I pretty much spent the rest of the night talking to her and introducing her to my personal jesus of snack food. WASABE PEAS... BITCH! yeah... had to add that. Anyways talking to her was probably the most fun I had talking to someone on my level of intellegence in a long time. Shes a sweet girl and is probably reading this right now. At the end of the night, I'd say around 1 in the AM, I waltzed back to my hotel and into bed... WITH STEVE?!?!?! Yeah, suffice it to say I didn't sleep well.

Day Two it was time for me and Chris to hit the Soul Calibarau IIIarau! tourny. My rating of my performance: Shit! Chris's performance at the tourny: Grankite Order of Tactics, Christopher Pike Medal of Valor, Silver Palm With Clusters, Cochrane Award, Wayne Empire Medal of Honor, Wayne Empire Citation for Conspicuous Gallantry, Fhilliam H. Muffman Award of Taking It Like A Man, Stephen Colbert's Silver Balls, Stephen and Melinda Gates Foundation Award for Truthiness, 2nd Place Trophy. I learned that Pamela was gone so I went shopping to make myself feel better. I made myself feel better when I found out that the Hairy Tarantula was there. They said they would bring in some Star Trek CCG for me so I could have a dip in. That night we drank in our room while watching a DVD... rated 18A. Mine was poor, Chris's was better. I played Rogue Leader while the others watched the DVD.

Third day. I bought four packs. They were good. I got Captain Chakotay and Lily Sloane. Pretty awesome. I think I also got the Phoenix that time but I can't remember. Nothing happened that day other than the fact that we left. I also finally got the picture of Soccer Talim. Yum.

Thus ends Anime North

I Graduate. Hilarity Ensues.

Well I did it. After four years I installed c:/graduate.exe and pressed run. I graduated from high school with a 78.3% average. My best course by far was GLS but since that wasn't a course my best course was Gr. 12 Combined Vocal Music. I got an 85 in that course when I passed it. So during the last little bit of school I went and did that thing I do. I tried to get into another school. I was accepted into college.. six times. I was accepted to Court and Tribunal Agent, Court and Tribunal Admistration, Police Foundations and three others. I accepted Sheridan Brampton's offer into the Court and Tribunal Agent Program and that is where I am right now writing a piece of this post. As an update to where I left off on this paragraph my marks were A, A, B+, B+, C+, C+ ... freakin sweet!

I Get A Job, Sleeplessness Begins

This year I finally went out and got a job. Yes I wonder what you you're thinking, you're thinking I was thinking 'what was i thinking?'. Well I did need the extra cash for school this year and it has been proving to be an asset when I go out for dinner or have people over because I have the funds. Oh yeah, I work at Wal-Mart as a cashier, but I think I may be moving to the electronics department.

I Sense Something, A Presence I've Not Felt Since

I got acquainted with Stephen Colbert. Man that show is awesome. I cannot think of a better show at all only because of the little things he does. Like when she says "Tonight!" he always does some interesting thing with his body like weird camera angles in which his head will turn into. My favourite opening has to be the one where he spoke to Jonny Stew in typos. Man oh man do I have that one bookmarked.

Well thats it in big news... now onto what matters

Wayney Awards:

Best Person: Bono
Worst Person: Myself
Best New Friend: Pamela Stroud
Best Movie: Fun With Dick And Jane (its the only one I saw other than Pulse)
Worst Movie: Dark Water
Best Song: Want To - Sugarland
Worst Song: London Bridge - Fergie
Best T.V. Series: The Colbert Report
Worst T.V. Series: The Hilarious House of Frightenstein
Best CD: Like Red on a Rose - Alan Jackson
Worst CD: DreamGirls Soundtrack

Have a happy and safe new year!

Emperor Vayne

2006-12-26T16:45:00.000-08:00

My bounty:

Season One of Angel
Season Two of Angel
Season Three of Angel
Season Two of Buffy
Season Six of Star Trek: The Next Generation
Die Hard 2
Die Hard... WITH A VENGENCE!
The Day After Tomorrow (no relation to two days from now)
War of the Worlds
The Avengers
Pulse
Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
Tim McGraw: Greatest Hits
Tim McGraw: Greatest Hits 2 (bet ya didn't see that comin')
Alan Jackson: Like Red on a Rose

and I have to make its own section for this

NEW LEATHER JACKET

The Twelfth Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-25T07:24:00.000-08:00

On the Twelfth day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me
Twelve Hobos Bummin'
Eleven snipers sniping
Ten Hutts-a-sleeping
Nine Clydes-a-scornin'
Eight Waynes-a-grinning
Seven Colbert's Winning
Six Broken Laptops
Five Gnomish Zings
Four Star Trek Nerds
Three Crazed Lens
Two Girls In Love
and a copy of Soul Cal III

Merry Fucking Waynemas!

One Final Post Before The Big Day

2006-12-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

I know it has been a long time since I have written an angry angry post. Hanger bay grabass, here we come!

Every year on December 24th, TBS plays 24 hours of this rancid dog meat movie "A Christmas Story". Now I am no expert on this film because I can't watch that ugly kid's face for more than .11 seconds.. and even that is a stretch for an Emperor like me. Look at him, other than a pink nightmare like the quote in the film. This kid's shiteating grin makes me want to vomit in terror, then vomit at myself for vomitting in terror. He is a nightmare.

I have watched the trailer on TBS over and over because other than this terrible film, this channel's programming is of top notch quality. I just do not get how this film could have such a following. Its about some ugly kid who wants an air rifle for Christmas and everyone telling him he'll shoot his eye out. I can smell the Emmy nominations already. Best Portrayal of Ugly In A Film oh and we can't forget Biggest Waste of Film.

I have some suggestions for TBS for replacing 24 hours of this shit:

24 Hours of The Colbert Report (No commercial interruption)
24 Hours of Nation Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (No censoring)
24 Hours of Star Wars
24 Hours of Emperor Wayne's 2006 In Wayneview
24 Hours of Falling Down
24 Hours of Family Guy
24 Hours of The Daily Show

I rest my case...

The Eleventh Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-24T07:11:00.000-08:00

On the Eleventh day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me
Eleven snipers sniping
Ten Hutts-a-sleeping
Nine Clydes-a-scornin'
Eight Waynes-a-grinning
Seven Colbert's Winning
Six Broken Laptops
Five Gnomish Zings
Four Star Trek Nerds
Three Crazed Lens
Two Girls In Love
and a copy of Soul Cal III

The Tenth Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-23T07:03:00.000-08:00

On the Tenth day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me
Ten Hutts-a-sleeping
Nine Clydes-a-scornin'
Eight Waynes-a-grinning
Seven Colbert's Winning
Six Broken Laptops
Five Gnomish Zings
Four Star Trek Nerds
Three Crazed Lens
Two Girls In Love
and a copy of Soul Cal III

The Ninth Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-22T10:13:00.000-08:00

On the ninth day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me
Nine Clydes-a-scornin'
Eight Waynes-a-grinning
Seven Colbert's Winning
Six Broken Laptops
Five Gnomish Zings
Four Star Trek Nerds
Three Crazed Lens
Two Girls In Love
and a copy of Soul Cal III

The Eighth Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-21T09:20:00.000-08:00

On the eighth day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me
Eight Waynes-a-grinning
Seven Colbert's Winning
Six Broken Laptops
Five Gnomish Zings
Four Star Trek Nerds
Three Crazed Lens
Two Girls In Love
and a copy of Soul Cal III

The Seventh Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-20T09:07:00.000-08:00

On the seventh day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me
Seven Colbert's Winning
Six Broken Laptops
Five Gnomish Zings
Four Star Trek Nerds
Three Crazed Lens
Two Girls In Love
and a copy of Soul Cal III

The Sixth Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-19T11:00:00.000-08:00

On the sixth day of Waynemas the empire gave to me
Six Broken Laptops
Five Gnomish Zings
Four Star Trek Nerds
Three Crazed Lens
Two Girls In Love
And A Copy Of Soul Cal III

The Fifth day of Waynemas

2006-12-18T07:49:00.000-08:00

On the fifth day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me
Five Gnomish Zings
Four Star Trek Nerds
Three Crazed Lens
Two girls in love
and a copy of Soul Cal III

The Fourth Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-17T11:09:00.000-08:00

On the fourth day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me
Four Star Trek nerds
Three crazed Lens
Two girls in love
and a copy of Soul Cal III

The Third Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-16T10:59:00.000-08:00

On the third day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me
Three crazed Lens
Two girls in love
and a copy of Soul Calibur III

The Second Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-15T06:31:00.000-08:00

On the second day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me...
Two girls in love
and a copy of Soul Cal III

The First Day Of Waynemas

2006-12-14T06:28:00.000-08:00

On the first day of Waynemas the Empire gave to me, a copy of Soul Cal III

WTF?

2006-12-05T10:06:00.001-08:00

So stressed. Girlfriend left me, second time in a month. I don't know why this is happening to me. I was making a good start again in her trust for me and she still loves me, but she doesn't want to be with me, so I guess I am doomed to walk the Earth alone...

I don't want to fall in love again. I keep getting hurt. Even an Emperor has to cry.

Waynegazine 2.0

2006-11-27T13:01:00.000-08:00

You've been anticipatin'

Here she comes to wreck the day!

Holy shit! Did anyone see the cover of Wayne Empire? I sure fucking did.

So Falls The 2nd Dynasty

2006-11-27T08:49:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I blew it with Christina.

So I am now outlining a contingency plan entitled Operation WF-14. Tactical support and a tonne o da money will be needed for this. Donations accepted. VISA and Mastercard.

In other news, some of the best daily show and Colbert Report minutes have happened in the past two weeks. If you were tuning into the Daily Show you may have seen the hilarious bit of Indecision 2044. Today I watched the clip on YouTube of Jonny Stew on Crossfire (pre-cancelation) and he totally made fun of this megadouche, Tucker Carlson who was wearing a bowtie. Jon attacked the bowtie at full power with a line that went something along the lines of "You're.. what? Thirty-five?... and you're wearing a bowtie." Then later used the maximum overdrive "You're just as big a dick on your show as you are on any show". Put'em away!

Now I didn't get anything off the Colbert Report. I got a clip off YouTube. Stephen fakes his taxes. Here are his instructions:

Well sharpened No. 2 pencils
NutBran drink
Name and address: "Name and address? I like to put a joke name down like Ivana Humpya and I.P. Freely or Phil McCracken. The I.R.S. guys just love it. It brightens up their day and gets them on your side.
Age: "I put down seventeen. That makes me a minor, can't be tried as an adult. Okay? Use that noodle"
Dependance: "This lowers your taxes so I put down 6 wives and 21 Children"
Income: "I put five million dollars. That shows them I'm a heavyweight and they know not to screw with me"
Signature: "Then at the bottom here where it says sign here? I don't. Thats just going to come back and bite you in the ass."
There, taxes done

Hehe, typso

New Wayne Empire magazine coming soon...

Dreamcard Time

2006-11-27T00:02:00.000-08:00

Over the past bit I have been getting into creating dreamcards based on Star Trek CCG's.... Second Edition *AH!* and I know I have been saying I really do not like it but I am more comfortable with it now. So I have decided on the following to be in my set of dream cards

First off there is the obvious

·Wayne, Emperor
Wayne Empire Cost 4
Human (Cmd)(Fu)
·2 Anthropology ·Leadership ·Security
Commander: U.S.S. Wayne. Dissident.
Order - if a (Wyn) Medical personnel is facing a dilemma requiring Cunning >20 and Medical, this peronnel is attributes +2 and gains 3 Medical
Card Lore: Emperor of the Wayne Empire after Temporal Scission in 2381. Met Federation President Injal Kovat before initial invasion of Federation Territory. Commands a massive warship.
Integrity: 7 Cunning: 7 Strength: 9

Chris Nagy, Fleet Commander
Wayne Empire, Cost 3
Human (Cmd)
·2 Anthropology ·2 Leadership
Commander: Home One
If you just began an engagement with this personnel aboard the Home One, both personnel and ship are attributes +2
Integrity: 6 Cunning: 8 Strength: 9

Cullen Jackson, General
MacArthur Confederacy, Cost 3
Human (Cmd)
·Archaeology ·Geology ·Leadership ·Programming
Commander: The Imperial Guard
Order - This personnel is attributes -1 for each (Earth) personnel in play (up to -3). This personnel is attributes +2 for each (Wyn) personnel in play (up to +4)
Integrity: 7 Cunning: 8 Strength: 7

Hehe, more to come. Some have been removed due to recent changes

At An Empass

2006-11-21T07:43:00.000-08:00

So I am sitting here trying to figure out which tattto I am going to get when Chris, Sidney, Nina and I go down to London this break. I have narrowed it down to very similar items and I would like some feedback. The first item is the past Terran Empire Emblem first introduced in Enterprise episode "In A Mirror Darkly pt. 1"

The second symbol is the longer sworded Terran Empire Emblem first introduced in the Original Series episode "Mirror Mirror".

Personally I think the second one is pretty typso so I would like your feedback. Just note the differences and report to me on the triple. Not the tribble.

Emperor Wayne

Tip of the Hat to Wikipedia

2006-11-21T07:06:00.000-08:00

I was going to look up something on Wikipedia this morning and I found something cool.

New Ban Arrrr!

2006-11-20T06:35:00.000-08:00

Check it out at the bottom of the screen. I think its wicked for my first try.

Awesome to the Tri-Maxorforce!

2006-11-17T19:48:00.000-08:00

Thats right... I went there.

Jesus Hubert Christ!

2006-11-16T06:36:00.000-08:00

I am all for freedom of speech unless its very very small and truly annoying. For the past two days I try to nap on the bus in the morning and I keep getting annoyed by this middle-aged black woman who seems to sit near me (probably cause she heard me mutter shut up, shut the fuck up and god damnit when she did the following yesterday) and sing Psalm 64 over and fucking over until I reach the college. There are so many times I can hear

"Silver and gold Silver and gold I'd rather have Jesus than silver and gold No fame or fortune Nor riches untold I'd rather have Jesus than silver and gold"

before I want to kill her. That number is at least .02. I just want to walk over and even though I am a believer in the Jesus, I just want to go up to her and say. "Can you please stop singing Psalm 64 over and over. Its truly annoying.". Or I could go with the traditional "One two, shut the fuck up". Or just "Can you close your piehole". Or I could fight religion against religion and say "You do know your in a bus full of muslims right?". There were at least three beside her when she was singin-a to the lord-a.

Like I can understand muttering it once, because religion is cool, but I do not want to hear silver and gold, silver and gold repeatedly before I want to take a plasma torch to my ears. I swore I counted her singing it at least 120 times between the Bus Stop at Shopper's World and Sheridan College. That is a 10 minute trip. I would rather die than be put through that. Plus I am trying to fucking sleep! Shes interupting my sleep! People who do that ruin my day... and she ruined it 120 times.

That damn Psalm is stuck in my head. Solution? Assasination.

The Wizard of Oz (2009)

2006-11-12T19:27:00.000-08:00

So here are Bono and I chatting. I told him I didn't like the movie the Wizard of Oz so we got into a discussion about a teen sex drama recreation with the same title.

So we have a rough cast:
Dorothy: Bonnie Piesse
The Tin Man: Ahmed Best
The Scarecrow: Sam Huntington
The Wicked Witch of the West: Kallie Flynn Childress
The Wizard of Oz: Christopher Walken
The Black and White Wizard: Stephen Colbert
The Good Witch of the North: Eva Mendes
All Munchkins: Verne Troyer
Aunty Em: Joan Rivers (barf)
Uncle Jerkoff.. Henry: The Ghost of Alec Guiness

Alright so we have a little bit of a plot so far. The plot is that Dorothy, your aloof girl who has boys all around her is competed for by the Scarecrow, who is the geeky guy and the hot, black, wise cracking Tin Man. All the meanwhile the Scarecrow is being joned after by the fat misunderstood Wicked Witch of the West. So while the film progresses, several advances are made to get Dorothy's ruby knee high lacheses boots which will give her the power to stomp ass and make Scarecrow hers. On their way to see the Wizard of Oz they befriend the Wizard's predecessor the Black and White Wizard who joins them on their journey in search of the one thing he's missing in his life.. truthiness. The Tin Man's awesome blackocity makes for the best film this century while he tries to pimp his way into Dorothy's pants. Scarecrow, being Dorothy's true friend uses his skills poorly to make her realise he's the man for her. The Wizard tells Dorothy that even Tin Man's dong may be huge, she could never forgive herself for not being with the Scarecrow. The Black and White Wizard learns the secret of truthiness and turns into Stephen Colbert, the Wizard of Truthiness. Traveling to the South he becomes the second Wizard who governs the mysterious land of America.

Alert: Condition Wayne

2006-11-11T17:43:00.000-08:00

Well as you may know this morning at 1:10 am EST I accidently deleted South Passage. The foremost leader in the Wayne Empire Communications Network. I was trying to delete a prototype blog that I didn't want. I did delete that blog and then thought I hadn't, I was in South Passage and pressed delete blog. It wasn't five seconds later when I looked at the Dashboard and realised "Oh crap I just deleted my blog" Then I prompty followed with "FUCK!"

So I am here now to vow to you that this new South Passage, built on ground zero of South Passage's destruction on November 11 (thats kinda freaky), will be new and improved with more Wayne Empire Magazines and lots more updates on Stephen Colbert, Bono and Clyde.

I may even let someone else write on this thingy... who knows.

Oh Shit!!!

2006-11-10T22:20:00.000-08:00

I accidently pressed delete blog. Welcome to the new South Passage, a place to express your true feelings for me. I promise to attempt to recreate some of the updates.