Thursday, April 02, 2009

Its The End Of The World As We Know It

I am not going to say that I have been right a lot. But there is one decision in my life I am going to say that I will never look back on with a shred of doubt, nor a sigh of where my money went. That decision was the one where I went to EB Games and traded in Animal Crossing for Fallout 3.

Best decision ever!

Not only did I get rid of one of the worst games for the DS in my eternal history. Seriously, what the hell are you supposed to do in that game? Nothing? Walk around and talk to the people who say the same damned thing, over and over again? Fuck and no. I want a game that draws me in and my prayers were answered. I'm even writing this during the time my PS3 is updating its system, which immediately after I am going to begin playing Fallout 3!

Fallout 3 is a first person shooter in which you are the protagonist (affectionatly named by a vagrant radio host as '101', even though the computer should be intuitive enough these days to pronounce a simple name like Bill) who wakes up one day after rushing through the first seventeen years of his life to find that his father, played by Liam 'Kick Everyone's Ass' Neeson, has left the Vault, which surprises most and just plain drives everyone else raving mad. Your best childhood friend says you should boot it out into the radioactive wasteland after his ass, which the aptly named 101 is more than happy to abblige. Security doesn't like this option, so you have to shoot your way out of the place that... is trying to save you? Anyways. You get out onto the wasteland after talking to/taunting/murdering your childhood friend's father, the leader of the Vault, and looking out onto the wasteland and seeing vast signs of nothing, you truck it off to find your father.

Since I know many who have not played the game I will not continue with the plot. I am going to begin my discussion on gameplay.

I decided to play this game on Very Easy in the beginning considering your character is thrust out of the Vault pretty much with a crappy pistol and little damage resistant clothing. The first monster I came across was a Mirelurk. BAD FUCKING IDEA. I immediately had my ass handed to me on a platter that I am sure included Mirelurk Cakes and perhaps Iguana on a Stick. However there are many things I would praise in this game.


Are breathtaking. Everything's grungy, dirty, dark and dank. Everything you would expect post-apocalyptia to be. The rendering of some of the monuments in D.C. are amazing. Specific nods to the Capitol Building and Lincoln Memorial which are amazing.


Despite the fact that your character moves like a goddamned turtle, I admire the gameplay. It was well designed, the missions are immersive and drawn-out, and the rewards are much more creative than Oblivion. I am talking about Perks. Perks like Grim Reapers Sprint, which restore all action points if you make a kill in the V.A.T.S system... OH!


Amazing. Point and click where your opponent is going to get his share of bullets, shells, lasers, grenades, missiles and nukes. It's one of the greatest things I have seen. When you follow the bullet to its target is the best. A specific example is when using the Railway Gun and you follow a Railway Spike to the enemy, impaling it's head on the nearby wall. Astounding. Simply astounding.

Voice Acting:

Liam Neeson... Malcolm McDowell... Ron Pearlman. No questions asked.

I must now do what I thought I could never do to this game, point out its downfalls.

No Co-op:

Man oh man, could it do with one. Many different routes through the wasteland and you could meet up at the quest target. Tactical planning and good times.

No Downloadable Content:

Due to a contractual clusterfuck and Microsoft's greedy fingers being ever greedy, there is no downloadable content for the Playstation 3. Bethesda decided to make an agreement with the evil corporation to keep millions of Sony players out of the D.L.C. so I have to miss out on the level cap being raised to 30, Operation: Anchorage, The Pitt and numerous other improvements on gameplay. Fuck Microsoft.

Terrible Music:

The year is 2277. They play music from the 1940's. Apparently in this alternate universe there was no disco, rock-and-roll, country, pop, rap, punk. Just crap. Could they not have tried to license some excellent music? I have a better idea, downloadable content FOR THE PS3 ONLY, that allows you to upload MP3's to a personal radio station in the game. Who else wants to blow people apart with a rocket launcher while listening to Pantera? I know I do. Bono will second that.

That concludes my review of Fallout 3. As Yahtzee said 'you'll play until your eyes fall out... Fallout 3 that is!"