Monday, January 29, 2007

I Couldn't Wait

I got the prototype back so this looks much much better

Friday, January 26, 2007


Hey there Mr. Bono
Happy Fucking Birthday
Turn off that awesome Colbert cause heres some birthday wishes
In case you haven't noticed you turn twenty today
So get off your heathen 20 ass and fucking celebrate!
Happy birthday to my best friend in the world, Chris Bono Almighty Nagy. As you may know he is heir to the throne. So if I die, this becomes his domain. Wayne Empire magazine is his. That is my gift to him... plus what I am actually getting him for his birthday. Glad to be your friend pal.
Chris, you're the man. For all you do, this posts' for you.


Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Eight simple words on dating my teenaged laptop

Enough said.

Friday, January 19, 2007

5 Shitty Games Everyone Loves

I know Chris just did this, but I wanted a stab at 1-5 in Advance:

Final Fantasy I

My eyes doth been raped when I looked upon this game. Not only does this game still look like the charcters were draw with MS Paint, but there is no less than 10 minutes of gameplay. I have never played a game that I can sit down on the toilet and be done by the time I get up. Unlike many of the other games, in number one you cannot switch your jobs, so you have to choose very carefully. There are no less than 1000 random battles in the first 20 seconds of the game.. and they are all goblins that look like hunched over retards with butterknives. The final boss in this game takes 5 turns to beat at level 20. He's an overgrown dragon, who of course used to be a man (i mean every boss is never human when you kill him). I give props to the creator for making the shittiest game imaginable.

Final Fantasy II

Aside from every character looking like they were draw with a Adobe Reader, this game brings new meaning to the words constipated gameplay. This game features the only keyword system I have ever seen. If you don't get a specific keyword from a person before you stop talking to them you must do the following. Turn off your system, turn it back on, press a on new game and get your ass back to where you were. No other Final Fantasy game had this feature because of its sheer annoyance and people cross-eyed from restarting their game too many times. Your allies in this game are an electic group of dumbasses consisting of a sissy girl, a bumbling idiot, a middle eastern spear thrower, a fat man, a butch lesbian pirate, the side switching evil brother and a badass dragoon. This game also introduces one of many of the Cid clones. Cid appears in pretty much every FF game but number one. He's either fat or an awesome knight with a bithcing sword. Most of the time he's fat. I have been told by several people that I am the boss in this game, which is very frightening because now its my destiny to be slaughtered repeatedly by pixels controlled by the Japanese. The first main enemy you will defeat is Curtis and of course there are your peons of bad controlled by the Emperor's evilness... I just had a seizure.

Final Fantasy III

This remake was made for the DS, so I will not complain about graphics. These characters look like they were created by Maddox so you know they look awesome. There are several problems with this game that make me wretch. Every battle should give you 10000 gil, and 10000 experience points or else its going to take forever and a day to level up. Every chest in the game should contain Phoenix Downs, because god forbid you could by them at the item shop. There are only two healing fountains in the game and there is always some stupid catch that your airship has either it gets destroyed, only can land in water then oh shit! cannonball to the hull!, fastest airship only can land underwater where it becomes slow as fuck, but the last has an inn, item weapon shield and magic shop, a fat chocobo and a moogle on board so whats the downside. Its as large as my ego and as slow as a turtle. So far each boss has had no where near 30000 hit points which make for seriously easy battles and I know about hard ones. I've had games that I quit playing because of the difficulty. Have you ever brought yourself to say "fuck this!" and throw down a controller never to pick it up again? Me too.

Final Fantasy IV

Here's a twist, not only does this game feature cut-scenes that could be described only as insanely long and boring. Blah blah blah, I'm a Dark Knight! HOLY SHIT! I'm being betrayed. Well I guess the only thing to do is go on a pointless journey with a bunch of weirdos to defeat the easiest boss in the world, Golbez. I swear behind every boss in these games is some 10 year old escaped mental patient. Like the first and second game this features the stationary job system. Your main character switches from sweet ass Dark Knight to sissy pants Paladin in the first hour of the game. Like FF2 this game features a bunch of retarded characters who die, come back, die again, appear as ghosts and just won't stop bugging you for the entire fucking game. Theres your main character who turns good, a little girl with the power to summon drooling monsters that do dick for damage, Kain the dragoon who betrays you and rejoins your party to do what again? betray you and I am very sure he betrays you a third and final time before you stomp ass on him... anywho, there is Palom and Porom the retarded magic twins who look like they would be begging to stop and pee at a rest stop throughout the game, Rosa the white magic chick who cannot avoid being captured no more than four times in the game because after the first two or three you think she'd wise up. Women. Cid the fat man returns as a hammer wielding geriatric who calls you a whipersnapper and waves his cane at you. Tellah, who is another geriatric and a asshole tonic straight up, joins you. Oh oh I cannot forget the most worthless character ever. The Bard, Edward. I swear I have never ever wanted to kill a video game character this much. Instead of fighting with his allies, after being hit once he retreats off screen pretty much not to return. His attack power and defence make me vomit and his lines are "boo hoo, i lost my sweetheart cause i'm too much of a ponse to fight. boo hoo". There is also Edge the ninja who joneses over the summoner even though them doing it would definatly be stautory rape x3. Hes 26.. shes 7. Then there is Yang Won Li Ching Chau Chang Chong Chan. I'm not joking that is his last name and I am not a racist, I just didn't like this character very much. This guy eats rocks and beats Michael Jackson with his hands behind his back. Finally I saved the least for last. FuSoYa... his mother was dyslexic so his name is spelt with three capitals. The boss in this game is the Space Pope. No questions asked. I need a drink.

Final Fantasy V

This game makes me wonder why it looks exactly like the last one. Not only are the villains very similar they choose the most blatently loserish name for the main enemy. ExDeath... whoa thats creative. Problem is this guy wasn't death before... whatever the hell he is now. Anywho this game contains several references to sex and I wish I was joking. This game has the hardest boss ever, Omega followed immediately by the second hardest boss ever Shinryu. They have combined health of several million at least and can kill your party by breathing. The final boss ExDeath and NeoExdeath make easy work of your party if you're anywhere below level 70. What could be worse than a hard boss? Nobody dies!! Shit!

Disclaimer: I love each and every game that I just listen just like Bono does. These games have filled the past two years with expert strategy and I never thought I could like the FF series. These games fucking rocked!

Saturday, January 13, 2007


I am so happy there is a topic I can right about. I know I made a typo. It means both that I am writing about it and that I am right about it. Just so there is no confusion.

I hate the O.C. with a burning passion a good case of herpes could easily match. Oh my god, crime loving poor boy makes good when rich uncle douchebag takes him under his wing. Boo frickedy hoo. He off and on starts boffing a girl (whats commitment.. duh??) who ends up dying because she's played by a complete ditz. To borrow a phrase coined by my right hand man. I know these people are alive, but they look they they were drawn with MSPaint.

In my opinion. Four seasons was a big waste of air time that could have been spend making remedy for the disgraceful last episode of Enterprise.

My royal proclamation: "This show shalt not be picked upeth for another season"

Monday, January 08, 2007

January 8th: A History

  • 871 - Battle of Ashdown - Danish Army Defeated by Some Douche
  • 1297 - Monaco gains its independance (later loses it when Wayne Empire arrives in 2005)
  • 1790 - George Washington delievers first State of the Union address in New York City
  • 1815 - Battle of New Orleans
  • 1867 - African American men given right to vote in Washington D.C.
  • 1877 - Crazy Horse fights final battle with United States Calvary
  • 1935 - Elvis Prestley is born
  • 1942 - Stephen Hawking is born
  • 1959 - Fidel Castro completes his conquest of Cuba
  • 1962 - Leonardo DaVinci's Mona Lisa displayed for first time in United States
  • 1967 - Michelle Forbes is born
  • 1973 - Watergate Scandal revealed
  • 1982 - Dow Jones Industrial reaches highest close ever at $2,002.25
  • 2002 - American philanthropist Dave Thomas passes away
  • 2004 - RMS Queen Mary II is christened as largest passenger ship by Queen Elisabeth II
  • 2006 - Earthquake felt in Mediterranean Sea
  • 2007 - Dave gets a girlfriend, Wayne Empire Rejoices!!!

The Bitch Is Back!

Vive la resistance!

Monday, January 01, 2007

2006 In Wayneview

Holy typso that was another year gone by? Man I think I slept through March, June, July, September and October. I only remember the good times! Well lets see what we have in the old treasure trove cove of the vertiable fountain of informational databases of Wayne.
My first favourite memory is......!

Oh you know I couldn't leave this out. What an awesome time. I submit there has been no better time in my life. It all started one hot (incredibly hot) summer day. May 26th, 2006 was the date. The name? Anime North '06.

Now I have had some good times. R.A.F. was awesome, but this! this surpassed it. Did anyone see how many righteous looking women were there? I mean whoa! Bam! Slam krackaplow! There haven't been this many boobs in one room at once. I swear. Not anywhere.


Now that I have control of myself I will replay how the fun went. The first night was by far the most typso. Chris and I got to the hotel a little after six o'clock and waited for his friend from Why-hurt-en. When we got to the hotel we set up in our room. We hooked the cube up to the T.V. somehow. I don't think we played yet. Anyways I didn't know what I was to expect when I got there. I expected big shit. I didn't expect a mega-dump of games, games, costumes, women and food. So I was wrong. It wasn't big, it was massive. Sue me. That night while I walked around and shopped I got the privilege of hanging out with Natalie, Angie, Krista and others. Whilst there I gazed upon probably, no definatly, the prettiest girl there, Pamela Stroud. I pretty much spent the rest of the night talking to her and introducing her to my personal jesus of snack food. WASABE PEAS... BITCH! yeah... had to add that. Anyways talking to her was probably the most fun I had talking to someone on my level of intellegence in a long time. Shes a sweet girl and is probably reading this right now. At the end of the night, I'd say around 1 in the AM, I waltzed back to my hotel and into bed... WITH STEVE?!?!?! Yeah, suffice it to say I didn't sleep well.

Day Two it was time for me and Chris to hit the Soul Calibarau IIIarau! tourny. My rating of my performance: Shit! Chris's performance at the tourny: Grankite Order of Tactics, Christopher Pike Medal of Valor, Silver Palm With Clusters, Cochrane Award, Wayne Empire Medal of Honor, Wayne Empire Citation for Conspicuous Gallantry, Fhilliam H. Muffman Award of Taking It Like A Man, Stephen Colbert's Silver Balls, Stephen and Melinda Gates Foundation Award for Truthiness, 2nd Place Trophy. I learned that Pamela was gone so I went shopping to make myself feel better. I made myself feel better when I found out that the Hairy Tarantula was there. They said they would bring in some Star Trek CCG for me so I could have a dip in. That night we drank in our room while watching a DVD... rated 18A. Mine was poor, Chris's was better. I played Rogue Leader while the others watched the DVD.

Third day. I bought four packs. They were good. I got Captain Chakotay and Lily Sloane. Pretty awesome. I think I also got the Phoenix that time but I can't remember. Nothing happened that day other than the fact that we left. I also finally got the picture of Soccer Talim. Yum.

Thus ends Anime North

I Graduate. Hilarity Ensues.

Well I did it. After four years I installed c:/graduate.exe and pressed run. I graduated from high school with a 78.3% average. My best course by far was GLS but since that wasn't a course my best course was Gr. 12 Combined Vocal Music. I got an 85 in that course when I passed it. So during the last little bit of school I went and did that thing I do. I tried to get into another school. I was accepted into college.. six times. I was accepted to Court and Tribunal Agent, Court and Tribunal Admistration, Police Foundations and three others. I accepted Sheridan Brampton's offer into the Court and Tribunal Agent Program and that is where I am right now writing a piece of this post. As an update to where I left off on this paragraph my marks were A, A, B+, B+, C+, C+ ... freakin sweet!

I Get A Job, Sleeplessness Begins

This year I finally went out and got a job. Yes I wonder what you you're thinking, you're thinking I was thinking 'what was i thinking?'. Well I did need the extra cash for school this year and it has been proving to be an asset when I go out for dinner or have people over because I have the funds. Oh yeah, I work at Wal-Mart as a cashier, but I think I may be moving to the electronics department.

I Sense Something, A Presence I've Not Felt Since

I got acquainted with Stephen Colbert. Man that show is awesome. I cannot think of a better show at all only because of the little things he does. Like when she says "Tonight!" he always does some interesting thing with his body like weird camera angles in which his head will turn into. My favourite opening has to be the one where he spoke to Jonny Stew in typos. Man oh man do I have that one bookmarked.

Well thats it in big news... now onto what matters

Wayney Awards:

Best Person: Bono
Worst Person: Myself
Best New Friend: Pamela Stroud
Best Movie: Fun With Dick And Jane (its the only one I saw other than Pulse)
Worst Movie: Dark Water
Best Song: Want To - Sugarland
Worst Song: London Bridge - Fergie
Best T.V. Series: The Colbert Report
Worst T.V. Series: The Hilarious House of Frightenstein
Best CD: Like Red on a Rose - Alan Jackson
Worst CD: DreamGirls Soundtrack

Have a happy and safe new year!